


A Million I Love You's and Too Many Goodbyes

by Lazydesk



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Keith just wants to do dishes, Lance just wants Keith to listen, M/M, School girl crush is actually love, smol keith
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-03
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-21 17:03:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9558623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lazydesk/pseuds/Lazydesk
Summary: They had been teammates for years. It was inevitable that one or more of them got into a relationship. That was perfectly fine, unless it was with one another.Keith has feelings and isn't the best at hiding them or dealing with their fallout.





	1. Goodbye to Self-Control

           Lance had said a million ‘I love yous’. Keith had said one too many goodbyes. That was their lives. One had everything the other wanted. It wasn’t just a jealously. Their relationship was more complicated than that. It was a tangled of feelings and emotions that didn’t make much sense. Keith wished he could hate Lance, but the universe had other plans. Plans that didn’t exactly please him. The Red paladin wasn’t comfortable calling it love, so he called it literally anything else. Rivalry, tentative friendship, or mild respect but never anything close to love. There were very few people who ever elicited such a range of emotions from him; depending on the day they could range anywhere from pleasantly charmed to completely exasperated. If his other teammates noticed, which he realistically knew they did, no one said a word. Thankfully Lance was the single most oblivious person in the known universe. The man spent half his time with his head in the clouds. So Keith could keep it a secret for now, well at least until someone inevitably opened their mouth.  
           It happened on Zephr, a cold but beautiful planet that was remarkably similar to earth. The air was oxygen rich and the gravity was slightly less intense than his home planet. It felt good to move around freely. The helmets they wore weren’t the completely uncomfortable but it still felt good to breathe air. Lance and Hunk were dancing through a field of wildflowers that looked remarkably like irises. They laughed jubilantly, prancing around like children. At his side was Shiro, watching them with something akin to amused fondness. Keith was trying his damnedest not to look interested. Apparently his best friend knew more than he let on if the sly look on his face was anything to go by.  
          “So Lance huh,” Was what Shiro chose to lead with. Brows knitting into a tight scowl, Keith turned his gaze away from the field of flowers.  
“Shiro,” Keith snarled and crossed his arms. After years and years of friendship the two of them had developed a silent language. At the moment his body was screaming back off and leave it alone. Shiro being Shiro did no such thing. Honestly Keith known better than to expect anything else, but hey a man could dream. He could dream of a day when he had a friend that wasn’t meddlesome.  
           “I wouldn’t have pegged him as your type,” Shiro continued and stroked his chin thoughtfully, “You usually go for the pretty boys.” Something about the statement made Keith prickle. Just as he was about to jump to defend Lance, he realized what Shiro was doing and took an extremely deep breath.  
           “The man sleeps with a face mask and music. Refuses to have no less than two showers a day and spends most of his time bragging about himself. What about his narcissism doesn’t scream pretty boy to you?” Keith grumbled. Shiro laughed and they turned their attention back to their teammates. For just a while longer they were content to enjoy the relative peace. They were content to let the other paladins frolic through flowers and sing songs from earth that they had long since forgotten.  
          Turns out those beautiful flowers were poisonous to humans, not life threatening, just producing a nasty rash. Hunk and Lance sat in the med bay while the rest of them stared at them. Pidge had her head in her hands and was shaking with silent laughter. Allura was standing to the side, jaw dropped in disbelieving horror.  
           “You ran through cornelia blossoms for how long exactly?” She exclaimed. Lance shrugged sheepishly and rubbed at a patch of red and inflamed skin. Hunk had the decency to look ashamed of their actions.  
           “It couldn’t have been more than ten minutes,” Lance muttered and slathered on another layer of the ointment Coran had given them. Keith snorted, it had been much much longer than a mere ten minutes. Despite that he knew Lance was lying Keith would keep his mouth shut. It was best to stay out of the way of Allura’s wrath.  
           “Well, I hope you two learned an important lesson today. From here on out please try and avoid wandering through vegetation on planets foreign planets. You got lucky today.” Lance hopped off the table, standing before them in only a pair of black boxer briefs and ridiculous socks. When he stretched languidly and dismissed the princess’s words, Keith turned away. There was just too much exposed skin. They had been team Voltron for years and within the past year things had gotten a bit harder. Keith was suddenly bashful at Lance’s flagrant nudity. Out of all of his teammates Lance was the only one who could almost always be found in various stages of undress.  
          “Like what you see?” Lance teased when he caught Keith looking away. There was sudden a very intense silence in the room. Everyone waiting was waiting with baited breath. Everyone knew. Keith already suspected that his rather astute team had taken notice, even if Shiro was the only one to mention it to him. It had only been a matter of time before Lance notice. Keith would have preferred that they didn’t have an audience when he did.  
          “Of course I do,” Keith answered lamely. It was at that moment that he wished a black hole would open up and swallow him whole. Even a Galra attack, as few and far between as they were, would be welcome. Literally anything to distract from the word vomit that had just fallen painfully from his mouth would be better than the silence in the room. Taking a full step back and looking rather bewildered, Lance moved a hand to cover his mouth. Hunk being the true hero and friend of the group stood suddenly.  
          “Alrighty whose hungry!” He clapped his hands together, “Because I know I am.” Keith was immensely thankful to the sudden agreement of everyone in the room. Each and every one of his teammates were scrambling for the door, Keith leading the pack. The group left, Lance stayed behind with his hand still over his mouth.  
           After dinner Keith was left with clean up duty. It was the one set of chores that he didn’t really mind doing. There was something about the mindless monotony of it that made it almost pleasant. Half way through doing dishes he felt a warm presence join him at the sink. Lance yanked the plate he was rinsing from his grasp and set about drying it.  
          “Wanna talk about it?” Lance settled the plate against the towel in front of him. Keith remained silent for a moment before answering. It was a battle not to say anything and to say far too much.  
          “Not really,” Keith replied dryly. Honestly he had hoped that Lance would simply let his earlier comment go. It was humiliating enough that everyone had heard him. The last thing Keith wanted was for this to become a thing. Knowing Lance it was probably already a thing.  
          “I don’t mind that you think I’m attractive,” Lance tried to comment offhandedly. Another dish was pulled from his hands and dried efficiently.  
          “Lance,” Keith warned. For a moment the Blue paladin seemed content to leave well enough alone. It was too much though, Lance had a bad habit of being nosy. “Are you acting like this because I’m a man? Is it because-” Keith held his hand in the air to silence him. The school girl crush Keith was sporting was far more complicated than anything Lance was suggesting.  
          “It’s because of the team Lance. What I said was completely inappropriate,” Keith spoke clearly so his words would not be lost on deaf ears. Lance was clearly listening and looked rather bewildered at his explanation. “Gender and sexuality have nothing to do with it. We are teammates and we work as a unit that relies heavily on that bond. My feelings mean nothing because there are too many variables to take into account. We don’t have the luxury of entertaining such thoughts. I’m sorry for speaking out of turn and hope this doesn’t affect our working relationship.” Keith did the only thing that seemed appropriate. With nimble fingers he drained the sink, dried his hands, and darted out of the room.  
           It had been weeks since the “incident” and Keith was feeling like a fish out of water. Hunk was watching him out of the corner of his eye as if he was waiting for Keith to snap. Pidge just kept looking at him and shaking her head sadly. Shiro just appeared downright disappointed in him which was a travesty. To Keith’s surprise Lance made no attempt to avoid him or talk to him. Instead the Blue paladin seemed content to let him be for the time being. The dull ache in his chest screamed for Keith to reach out. It screamed for him to grab Lance’s attention. So in his usual fashion, he avoided everything and threw himself into training. Exercise cleared his head, made things more manageable. That being said his entire body was getting rather sore from the constant use of his muscles and depletion of energy. Despite the fact that the weight of his shield was familiar and comforting he felt unsure. Despite the fact that his sword was an extension of himself, Keith had no outlet for everything he was feeling. With the training room set at level seven, he could feel the adrenaline pumping through his veins. The pace of battle was exhilarating. It was refreshing. Here there were no thoughts of Lance. There was freedom. There was a semblance of peace.  
           Well there was until Lance inevitably rained on Keith’s parade.  
          “End simulation,” Lance’s voice rang out across the spacious room. The lights flickered on and there were no shadows to hide hi. Instantly he felt more exposed than he had in the kitchen. Here there was no protections from Lance; there was no way to obscure his reactions except Keith’s willpower, which was feeling rather flimsy. Keith turned and outright growled at the other paladin. The sound did nothing to faze Lance and he strode confidently across the room. Immediately all of Keith’s defenses were up. If there was one thing he hated, it was being backed into a corner.  
          “So,” Lance spoke gently as he approached, “It has come to my attention that I am giving you too much space.” Hand still gripping his sword, Keith tightened his posture. Back ridged and front foot forward, he was still in a solid fighting stance.  
          “I don’t want to hear it,” Keith grumbled. Still the taller man approached until he stopped directly in front of Keith. Dressed in only thin pajama pants and a simple tee-shirt Lance appeared younger. Hell, they were young. That didn’t give them an excuse to act like teenagers. Feelings were complicated. Feelings made things messy. The team couldn’t afford to be messy. Even if Keith wanted nothing more than to indulge, even if for just a moment.  
           Lance’s blue eyes danced with intent and Keith was growing increasingly uncomfortable. It was rare that anyone paid him any attention. Shiro was typically the only one who went out of his way to speak to him. They were best friends so it was expected. Lance on the other hand was a complete wild card. He was unpredictable. It was one of the things Keith loved and hated about him. It was like trying to gauge what a hurricane or an earthquake might do. The aftermath of Lance was almost as intense as the storm.  
           “I don’t want to talk about it,” Keith nearly spat out, “Everything that needed to be said has already been spoken.” Lance shrugged his shoulders and settled on the ground in front of Keith. The reaction surprised him and made him more than a little warry.  
          “You said everything you needed to.” Lance patted the ground invitingly, “I on the other hand still have a lot say,” he quirked a smile at Keith. There was dread settling in his stomach but he still seated himself on the floor. Taking a deep breath, Keith tried to remain objective. There was only one or two problems. At this distance, he could smell Lance. A warm blend of the alien version of honey and apples laid a hazy layer over his senses. Their knees bumped together in a friendly manner but there was a look on Lance’s face that was more than friendly, it was yearning and affectionate. Whatever Lance had to say was going to be more difficult than Keith had imagined. Self-control was about to go out the window.


	2. Life Is Just One 'If'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance just wants to be selfish for once.

“I suddenly realized it’s no coincidence the two middle letters of life are if. For every action we make, there is a reaction. The outcome often beyond our control, fragile and fraught with ruinous consequences. Like a soap bubble made real by a gentle breath only to be taken by it.” 

\- “Dirty Pretty Things”, Michael Faudet

     The thing about Lance is that no one really understood how intelligent he really was. Sure Hunk and Pidge were the true brains of their little operation but he was no slouch in that department. In total he could speak three languages. Early in life school became boring, the concepts seemingly elementary. So after a while there was no real reason to try. That mindset carried over into his adult life. There was simple way to approach things that made it much easier to survive. If you are flippant and careless enough, things would be easy. Life could throw a little of anything at you and it would roll off like water on a duck’s feathers. The other thing about Lance was he was too damn empathetic and compassionate for that to really work. Even when he was hurt or wounded, there would be a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eyes. Keith was someone that Lance found engaging and worth his time, even if they argued at every turn. They shared the same type of intelligence and wit. Though their personalities differed, with him there was no need to pretend…at least not until feelings hit Lance like sack of bricks.

     It had been a hard and fast fall. There had been no gradual realizations and the pining had come after. It had hit him in the kitchen, watching Keith talk animatedly with Pidge about something trivial. For someone so serious Keith could be quite petty. Lance didn’t try and hide the fact that he was a sore loser; Keith on the other hand hid it like a bad habit. Most people had the ability to say what they wanted. Keith seemingly only had the ability to express his dislikes. With hands raised wildly in the air, gesturing to the mess around them Keith looked open and alive. The dishes were piled high in the sink. Countertops had a thin layer of dust covering them. No one said anything but Keith had a minor case of OCD; cleanliness, or lack thereof, was one of the many things that could get him fired up. In that moment of wild gesturing and raised voice, Lance realized he loved Keith. It had taken him time to come to terms with the fact that he loved someone so opposite him but Lance eventually came to terms with it. In the end he came to terms with something else…that it would be his secret to keep. Then the incident happened and all of that went out the window.

     If there was one thing Lance was terrible at, it would be keeping secrets. Growing up secrets had been taboo in the house. With all of his siblings prying into each other’s business they were useless to try keep in the first place. So Lance didn’t make a habit out of keeping secrets or lying. So much so that when he did try and lie, it was painfully obvious. Lance had never hidden his feelings, lucky for him Keith was so oblivious to Lance’s flirtatious undertones it didn’t really matter. It was perfectly clear Keith didn’t want to talk about the fact that he found Lance attractive after the incident. That he could respect. What Lance couldn’t ignore was the bullshit rationalizing Keith was doing. Shiro and Allura were together, even when they fought the team managed to function perfectly. Hunk and Pidge had a thing, an undefined thing but still a relationship; it never caused drama. So when Shiro approached Lance and told him that he broke Keith, enough was enough. They had to talk about it before their ‘not a thing’ totally became one.

     With their knees brushing and Keith’s guarded eyes watching him, Lance rubbed the back of his neck. There was no way to say any of the things he wanted to tactfully. So he didn’t even bother to try.

     “Despite what you may think, I do understand the detrimental effects a relationship could have on a team. That being said, I think the two of us are both mature enough to talk about this without any of the bullshit you are feeding me,” Lance said and ducked his eyes to stare at the floor, “We’ve been friends for a little over six years. We had our first legal drink together. We’ve done just about everything under the sun together.” Chancing a glance up at Keith, Lance saw the other man’s expression softening. That was better than the feigned indifference he had seen over the past few days.

     “Lance,” Keith murmured. It was broken, almost vulnerable.

     “I have seen you at your absolute worse. I’ve seen you cry. Sometimes I can even make you laugh. You became my family, my home, when I needed it. You argued with me and gave as good as  as you got. So you make me want to be selfish. I want to be able to kiss you and to hold you against me; I’ve wanted to for years.” The heartbroken look on Keith’s face mirrored the way Lance felt. It was unsteady and even a bit unstable. Keith was searching his face, for what Lance was unsure. Maybe even Keith didn’t know.

     “You-” Keith started to say something but stopped to purse his lips together. It was a gesture that Lance knew was an aborted attempt to express something resembling his personal feelings.

     “Now I’ve said what I needed to.” Lance offered Keith a weak smile, “Keith, you will always be my friend first and foremost. Just know that nothing will ever change that. I’ll give you some space so you have time to process.” Lance leaned forward and pressed a parting kiss to the corner of Keith’s lips. It was far more intimate than he meant to it to be. It was something lovers might do. It hurt far too much for it to mean nothing.

     Despite what everyone thought, Pidge was Keith’s favorite person to go to when things sucked. She was objective, intelligent, and didn’t judge. Shiro might have been Keith’s best friend but he was also too opinionated for his own good sometimes. Pidge was a vault. Any secrets shared between them stayed there.

     “So.” Pidge fiddled absentmindedly with a computer monitor, “What are you going to do?” Keith groaned and spun in a wheely chair at her desk. It was a good question, just not one he was quite sure he could process. That little kiss to the corner of his mouth had wrecked what little self-control he had. Keith was naturally impulsive. That impulsivity was telling him to make a very bad decision.

     “You know what I want to do,” Keith grumbled grumpily. Pidge looked up, glasses halfway down her nose. The little freckles that dusted her cheeks were slowly disappearing from the obnoxiously long time they had spent in space. For the first time in a long time, Keith wanted to go back to earth.

     “Don’t use that tone with me!” Pidge chided, “Do you remember how obnoxious it was when Shiro and Allura were dancing around one another?” How could Keith forget? For months all he heard about was Allura this, Allura that. When the two of them finally got their shit together, the entire team threw a party to celebrate. There had been cake and ballons.

     “Of course I do! It was all sad pining looks and love struck smiles.” Pidge pushed her glasses up and sent him a knowing glare.

     “Well Lance has been giving you those looks for years!” Keith blinked at her in surprise, all the words he had be prepared to say drifted away. “You think this is just a short term crush. If we’re being honest, you aren’t the best about dealing with emotions or relationships. You are also so blind to a good thing that you wouldn’t know if it was hitting you in the face. Hint, it totally is!” It couldn’t have been years. Keith would have noticed it if this had been going on for years. At the same time a sense of calm washed over him. A sense of understanding. Standing he looked towards the door,urgency hit him.

     “Pidge,” Keith spoke quietly, “Thanks for the nudge in the right direction.” The petite young woman waved him off, attention back on the monitor.

     “Yeah, yeah. Just end our suffering and bang him already,”

     Keith banged on the door to Lance’s room three times. When the door opened Lance stared at him sleepily. It was clear that the Blue paladin had been soundly asleep. Come to think of it, the majority of the castle was probably sleeping.

     “Why?” Was all Lance asked. If there was one unspoken rule about Lance it was to never wake him unless it was important. For such a good soldier, he was quite the diva. Keith opened his mouth and promptly shut it. Words were hard for him sometimes. So instead he looked into Lance’s eyes and then leaned forward to kiss him. Their lips met and Keith heard Lance make a broken sound at the back of his throat. One of Lance’s hands was resting against the front of Keith’s jacket, clenching and unclenching. The kiss itself was unremarkable, just a simple press of lips.

     “You are the single most difficult man in the entire known universe to deal with!” Keith pushed against Lance’s chest and backed him into the room. “You are constantly pulling me into your madness. You are constantly pushing my limits. You are too kind and too good to me.” Keith wanted to hide the blush that he knew was on his cheeks but didn’t bother to when he saw the one mirrored on Lance’s darker skin. The two of them toppled back onto Lance’s bed, Keith braced above him. This time Lance initiated the kiss. This was their first kiss; a slow and sensual drag of Lance’s lips against his. Teeth tugging his bottom lip. Gentle fingers trailing patterns against the line of Keith’s spine. It was selfish and desperate and loving. It was better than Keith could have hoped for.

     The two of them pulled apart, breathing ragged. Lance studied him closely, looking too vulnerable. Keith was getting ready to recoil, to go on the defensive for his actions. Instead a gentle hand came up to cup his cheek. Lance’s eyes softened and the paladin offered him a gentle smile.

     “Can we do that again?” The question seemed silly to Keith but he nodded. One more kiss turned into many. Hands removed clothing in a slow dance. Fingers tugged through hair. Eyes searched and found things they had been looking for all along. Breathy moans filled the air. The two of them met each other half way, neither taking more than what was offered.

Epilogue

     Shiro was staring at Keith’s neck, eyes squinched in concentration. If he didn’t know any better he would think that was a hickey barely visible above the collar of his shirt. Pidge had her coffee mug clutched tightly in her hands with a knowing look in her eyes. Shiro caught her attention and she gently slapped him across the arm. Rubbing his bicep, Shiro took his eyes off the spot on his friend’s neck. It would be better to let Keith and Lance have a moment of privacy.

     “Oh Lance!” Allura clapped her hands together when she entered the room. “Congratulations on your union!” Well that was fun while it lasted. Keith choked on his tea and Lance just gaped at her. Shiro tugged Allura down next to him. It seemed that they needed to work of her tact.

     “I hate you all,” Keith recovered first, a little smile on his face. “Pidge pull it together,” He snapped at her. The petite woman was turning red at the face and trying to stifle her laughter. Lance reached out and gripped Keith’s hand. A plate hitting the floor caught all of their attention.

     “Ah man!” Hunk groaned, “I’m the last to know as usual. Can’t we start sending out memos about this sort of thing?” Keith had been worried about the impact a relationship could have of the team. There had been no reason to worry in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All finished. I hope you all enjoy. My last few attempts at writing anything have been leaving me unsatisfied. This one I don't completely hate!
> 
> I can't wait to hear from you all!

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys hope you enjoy! This is my first fic in this specific fandom and I always enjoy feedback.
> 
> Look forward to hearing from you,  
> Avery


End file.
